Every Saturday, the routine is simple and straightforward: lunch is with Mike Choo at the local 'mamak' restaurant. It's near my office, which is near my home, which is near Mike's home, which is near... well, almost everything we need.
'Mamak' is local slang for a restaurant that serves Indian-Muslim cuisine. Spicy, local delights and 'roti' (the Indian bread) make them popular with every single race in Malaysia. They're also very cheap and by operating long hours most of these businesses mint more money that your local bank branch.
Mike Choo and I have come to love the benevolent, bumbling guys who provide as much entertainment in the way they talk as well as the way they serve us. Put it this way: they won't win awards for best service. But like Avis, they try harder.
Forget AirAsia. These guys are the ultimate low-cost business. And the entire staff is comprised of Indian locals ('imports' as my friend Charles would say) who could pass of as Malaysian until they open their mouths. I don't know how many are illegal immigrants but there's a fair few of them. Most Malaysians couldn't care less anyway.
The hallmark of any 'mamak' is the outdoor plastic tables. You must have them. It's so stuffy inside these restaurants that outdoor eating is a must and car park bays give way to that. 'Mamak' staff will eye car owners in front of their outlet and quickly claim a parking bay once it's vacated. They'll block it with one, sometimes two, tables. It's illegal, of course (again, who cares).
But, it seems, a jealous Town Hall manages to come up with a win-win situation. They've been going around granting 'mamaks' up to four bays at certain hours of the day to facilitate business. But it will cost them RM400 a bay each month. That's RM1600 for your total al fresco enjoyment per month. That's a small fortune.
No, we're not talking administration fees or additional licensing requirements that need to be filled out. This is pure, cash kickbacks duly collected by senior town hall officers. Hell, for that kind of cheap price, I'd collect the cash myself too. Along the way, you get free meals for you and your cohorts too.
The affable 'mamak' restaurant supervisor isn't too pleased. But that's business, he concedes. Having to grease up to officials with meals and cash will be the only way to increase clientele and make more money. He doesn't charge more for eating outside. But the question remains, if it's illegal then why are officials making money out of it? Because money matters in Taman Desa, just like any other part of KL.
Yesterday, the government announced pay rises of up to 30% for civil servants. That's not bad. Maybe they'll charge less for allowing mamaks their al fresco spaces. Then again, maybe we should just wake up from that dream.
