Mortgaged In Malaysia

Going around looking for mortgages is a real eye-opener. One quickly learns how banks make their money. I call it legalized robbery and can’t wait for more liberalization of our local banking industry to make these fat cats a little trimmer.

Taking a leaf from the well-worn book of Cunning Advertising Clients, I shopped around for banks like they were ad agencies and I was the client: getting quotes and speaking to loan officers, all of whom promised that they were the One and kept calling me back too. While usually generous I sometimes can get tighter than a gnat’s ass, though.

With me calling the shots this time (apparently) I took great pleasure in scrutinising bank quotes and comparing total interest charges back at the loan officers, trying to squeeze as many concessions as I could.

I almost settled for AIA (cheapest overall interest rate) until I walked into my present personal bank branch and sat down for my turn at the counter. The rather gay loan officer knew I was shopping around for quotes but being the shark he was, he circled for blood and nosed in on me.

Sitting beside me, he gently told me about how banks can be so troublesome and underhanded in taking people’s money from them. Even (gasp) not giving the real information to customers. With a long sigh, he re-told the saga of getting a loan from another bank and the grief he went through signing paperwork, coughing up fee after hidden fee.

I wouldn’t go through all that, he promised. He was a customer too, he sniffed, a hanky dabbing his eyes a little.

I almost cried with him and agreed to re-read the paperwork. The clincher was when he told me that since I had two business accounts, a term deposit and a current account with the bank that he’d give more concessions on the loan. It worked, no other bank could beat his offer (they stopped calling me back) and I signed up.

Having paid my deposit, it was some time before I would have to pay the stage-by-stage lump sum payments to the developer of dear ol’ Casa Desa. Of course, should the loan be approved then the bank takes over and pays the developer instead. All I have to worry about are the monthly installments.

What I was told would take 2 months (said the loan officer) took almost 5 to complete. I became somewhat of an expert in all the banalities of conveyancing law and skull-numbing legalise like letter of offer, sale and purchase agreement (SPA) loan centre, loan solicitors, loan documents, facility agreement (bank euphemism for the loan), deed of assignment (DOA), power of attorney, bank's signatures, developer’s signatures, solicitor’s signatures, my signatures (lots of it), certified true copies, waiver of private caveat, stamping at the stamp duty office, registration at the High Court, confirmation of differential sum settled and drawdown advice.

It was a pain. Lots of leg-dragging by everyone and ass-covering by the lawyers. Finger-pointing by all parties. It was like decision-time in ‘The Apprentice’ except I couldn’t fire anyone.

I had to get my ever-reliable buddy ‘MC’, a seasoned conveyancing legal assistant, to explain everything to me. He practically pulled me out of the rubble of paperwork and legal terms and got the loan settled. Actually, ‘MC’ did brief me before all this started but, honestly, I did understand a word of it.

And where was my loan officer throughout all this saga? He was always busy when I called him. Never returned calls. Dodged tough questions. And basically screwed up on his figures.

A week before the loan was approved he resigned.

That’s Malaysia for you.

Ah... banks. Conveyancing laywers. Once is enough. But the next time I go through this process (second home in the not-too-distant future or if I should become a property magnate) I’ll be sure to have an battalion of my own personal lawyers to deal with them. Life shouldn't be this stressful.